As I write it's just over a week until I'll be taking on the London Marathon again and to say I'm nervous would be an understatement. The point last year where I took the decision to abandon our attempt was devastating.
In the immediate aftermath I was consoled by many people telling me that "there's always next year." The problem with that is that my brain's immediate response is to think "I could well be dead by then..." That's the reality of life with MND. Opportunities to do something special are so precious because you cannot expect to have them again.
I'm so lucky to still be here, be healthy enough, to have secured a place, and to know four of the most amazing people that are willing to push me round. Allowing me to experience that atmosphere one last time. MND doesn't have a day off and only moves in one direction, there will be no more opportunities after this.
I'm hugely proud of what we achieved last year and know that we raised awareness, inspired others, and also raised over £20,000. But that moment of defeat needs to be replaced with a moment of fulfilment and joy, the competitor and the athlete in me needs to make amends. I have #UnfinishedBusiness
Imagine if you can being so ill that you consider your own death on a daily basis, and you know that there is no prospect of your condition improving. Yet you have one last opportunity to experience something which takes you back to your old life, makes you momentarily forget everything you've lost. Imagine the importance of that opportunity: that is what London means to me.
The build up this year has deliberately been much more low key. This year's attempt feels more personal. Though of course it still forms the latest part of my Stand Against MND, and if you feel inspired to help us fund more vital research, you can donate by clicking here.
Thank you so much for reading.
Sam x